Indigo-Orange

I'm moving

2006-10-02T17:55:00.000-07:00

to livejournal.

Find me

now.

Transforming Lives...

2006-09-25T19:24:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a long time since I posted. I've felt a little pressure, a little guilt, but finally I found something worth a post...
How's this: "Fore Hope- Transforming Lives Through the Theraputic Nature of Golf?" Dan and I were driving down North Broadway and we passed an office building that actually had an office for Fore Top. Theraputic golf, who knew? Drugs transform lives in bad ways, people can transform other people's lives in good or bad ways, Jesus transforms lives in all good ways, and golf transforms lives in ways apparently significant enough to warrant and office to spread the good news. Hmm... (I think it's actually an organization for handicapped individuals and it's probably a really good thing so I'm definitely not knocking it).
What's really funny is that I am now a person who might actually be seen on a golf course. Yep, it's a little funny, you can laugh. I'll laugh with you. Dan took me on a "destination unknown" date a few weeks ago and we ended up at golf course. That night there was a gorgeous moon and that might have influenced my apparent enjoyment- a week later I once again found myself at a golf course. I'm really really not good, but I enjoy having something new to do outside in the nice weather. Dan mentioned our golf outings at a family dinner and as a result my sister turned over my aunt's golf clubs to me (very very willingly -I think her husband has been having some dreams about her golfing with him so she got rid of the clubs at what I believe was her first opportunity, thereby giving her an out and giving me no excuse). As far as I can tell they're pretty nice clubs (so they will be easy to sell on ebay). Today I had my first experience golfing with someone other than Dan. My friend Liz gave me tips and was incredibly patient. We picked up our balls and moved them a few times, but I was usually only over par by a number equal to par. That's pretty good for my close to first experience. Most importantly, I finally get it- I finally know why people golf. It's nice. I'm not sure it's transformed my life, but my day off looked a little different than it ever has before.

2006-07-18T13:32:00.000-07:00

Available from the Kirsten Bowen Gallery,537 South Drexel, Bexley, OH.

Happy Summer!

2006-05-26T19:33:00.000-07:00

petals

2006-05-26T19:31:00.000-07:00

My Baby's New Baby

2006-04-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

We've talked about getting a dog on and off in the past and Gus's name came up a few times. His sister, Gibby, lives with one of Dan's best friends and Gus has been living with a wonderful couple who run a dog rescue in Sunbury. Dan was on spring break this past week and he used some of his free time to interview all of our frinds who own dogs along with dog owners that we met in the park (I thought we were going for a lovely walk, but he was on a mission). He collected data about 4 different breeds that were in the running, but then in the end he showed me a picture of Gus online and I suspected that eventually Gus would live with us. So today we drove up to Sunbury and we finally met Gus in person. I was pretty interested in two husky mixes who's mother was saved from New Oreleans after Katrina, but, as I suspected, Dan met Gus and it was all over (the dog finding process). I had a feeling that if those two were denied the chance to spend the rest of their lives together there would be a deep sense of loss that I couldn't bear to see my husband go through, I mean how happy does he look? I'm not sure that our little cat, who has up until this point been the princess, will feel the same way about Gus that Dan does, but I'm looking forward to seeing that smile on my baby's face as a regular thing.

cincinnati

2006-04-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

anniethress.com

Finally

2006-02-28T08:44:00.000-08:00

After a way long wait, I finally got a website up:
anniethress.com

Jimmy

2006-02-18T10:24:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-01-26T20:44:00.000-08:00

Best of 2005 cont'd

2005-12-30T09:51:00.000-08:00

2005 has been quite an amazing year! So much has happened- we got married, had a great engagement party and wonderful showers, we had a honeymoon, fixed up our fixer upper home, we got a new nephew, we moved to an amazing church, we got a new camera, Dan started reading his poetry publicly, we both got new jobs, integrated two families into our lives (and 1 cat), traveled a bit, made a lot of wonderful new friends and deepened relationships with old ones. It's been good!

This year there were so many people who were significant in our lives so it's hard to narrow down the list, but there were a few people who really blessed us (or just me) that I want to acknowledge "semi-publicly" here:

My Husband - of course. If he wasn't incredible I wouldn't have married him in the first place, but I'm constantly encouraged by what I see in him. He's been so loving and gentle and humble. And he's silly, which is good for me. He's constantly searching for truth and beauty and always desiring to share those with others. He's striving to be such a good husband and our marriage is getting better and better because of it. He's beautiful and he blesses me more than he can ever know.
My Sister, Leslie (and her husband Greg)- Leslie did so much this year to bless us as we started our marriage. She threw us an amazing engagement party and helped us prepare for the wedding (she may have kept us from killing each other before the wedding ever happened because she put us on a "planning schedule" that reduced our stress level). Leslie took care of important details and then and gave us incredible gifts on top of it. And on top of all that, she was pregnant the whole time and had a beautiful baby boy in November. Since then we've gotten to watch her became a wonderful mother which has been so fun. She's still in control, but she has a softer side now too, and even though she's tired, little TJ is so loved and blessed. Leslie is always available to talk and she's patient and understanding. She's a good friend as well as a wonderful sister.
My parents- My parents also did so much to bless us as we started our marriage. They went out of their way to give us everything we wanted for our wedding and then did more on their own on top of what we asked for. They've made Dan feel at home in our family and are constantly available to be "mom and dad" to their grown children. Now we get to see them be grandparents which is fun too. It's good to see them with a little one again. They've always been such good parents.
Dan's sister, Cindy and brother, Andy- Cindy and Andy both made such efforts to celebrate our wedding and to include me in the family. Both also did a lot this year to support Dan and I as we started our life together and they both made big efforts to support the Thress family as a whole by doing things like hosting family gatherings and working to get their parents moved back here from Florida. It's been so nice to marry into a good family and feel right at home there.
Jaime Hesper- "Hairspray." Jaime also went out of her way to bless us around the time of our wedding. Not only that, but she's someone I can always count on for fun or to be available when life is hard and I need a distraction. She's a great creative "bounce off person" and a good companion for my adventures in art. I can count on Jaime for girl's days at the mall or movies, or for summertime smoothies. Jaime's like one of the family to Dan and me. (Even our cat feels a special bond to her.)
The Cannells, the McCollums, the Whitmans and everyone at our church- it kind of seems like everyone should get their own line, but for the sake of room, I'll just say that we've needed them and they've been there. They've blessed us to be who God made us, they've encouraged us, they've helped us prepare for marriage. They celebrated with us then and have been an amazing support system ever since the wedding. We see so much of Jesus in our church and we're challenged and pushed closer to him by their lives and their examples. We feel so blessed to be in a place where we can be free to be real, even when our lives are messy and we're not at our best. It's so good to have a group of people to worship with and to try to "live out the Jesus lifestyle" together.

My list isn't complete, but these are the people who stand out in my mind as the people who have made our year all that it has been and who have been the closest to us and shown us Jesus the most clearly. Thank you all!

The bests of 2005

2005-12-28T11:11:00.000-08:00

Here's my list of favs for 2005:

movies:

songs (new to me in 2005):
"Hold You In My Arms" by Ray LaMontagne
"Holiday" by Greenday
"No Bravery" by James Blunt
"Yahweh" by U2
"Wedding Song" by Lifehouse

Good Story?

2005-12-19T16:07:00.000-08:00

I saw the Johnny Cash movie the other night and I have to say, it was great. It was well filmed, the story was good and it was actually unforgetable in a lot of ways. I'm suffering quite a bit of confusion over it now though. I can't stop thinking about it and I can't get my mind around it and for someone who really enjoys the simplicity of all things black and white, I'm really frustrated because I can't seem to land anywhere comfortable on this one.
I have to admit, even though it might win me lots of shock and disapproval, I really didn't know much about Johnny Cash's life before I saw the movie. I saw the commercials and it looked like a sweet love story and that's what I was in the mood for when we went to see it. That's what I got too. It started the moment he first saw June Carter and from there the movie told the story of his drug use and musical career, but only as a back drop for his pursuit of "his one true love." At the end of the movie he has everything he ever wanted: health, fame, his father's approval and June. She looks up at him and smiles and it's the perfect storybook ending. I left the theater happy. That's what's bugging me now.
Johnny was married before June, and during the pursuit of June. His first wife's name was Vivienne and she loved him through a lot. She was there with him through poverty and the beginning of his musical career. She gave him two daughters and raised them while he was on the road. She was a good wife, but Johnny fell in love with someone else.
The movie writers, producers, whoever, of the movie make it all seem so innocent and sweet. Maybe he couldn't help it. Maybe June was his fate and Vivienne was just his wife. Maybe he shouldn't have married her in the first place. Maybe we're all supposed to overlook the marriage and just enjoy the love story.
I know that there was a lot more to his life then what the movie was able to show. Maybe he regretted his adultry latter in life or at least recognized that it was wrong. Maybe the divorce was a lot more painful to him than the movie depicted. I'm not really trying to be hard on Johnny. I'm more questioning the filmmakers choice.
I'm upset about it. I'm upset that I got "duped." I bought into it, I'm upset that it was sold to me. I was uneasy about the situation throughout the movie, but I smiled at the end when she smiled up at him. What's wrong with me? How has it become OK to make a love story that disregards wedding vows? How has it become OK to communicate that you can keep looking for a better love after the wedding and that we'll all be happy for you if you do find someone else or someone better? Why is that kind of selfishness sold as good story? How did I get sucked into it? I should've left mad. Everyone in the theater should've left mad. What's wrong with us all?

Christmas Card from the Thresses

2005-12-13T12:35:00.000-08:00

Watching, Waiting, Wondering. A few years ago I drove by a church with these three words on their marque announcing the weekend's message, and ever since then they've come to my mind every year at Christmas time. I think that they sum up Christmas pretty well, or at least the weeks leading up to it. As a kid there was so much anticipation for Christmas morning and presents under the tree. As an adult that part of the holiday is somewhat less magical, but most every adult has at least one thing that they'd love to ask Santa to do for them. Unfortunetly our grown up wishes are rarely fulfilled in one day, delivered in a box with pretty paper and ribbons. Life is way more complicated after age 10. That's why grown -ups need Christmas more and more every year.
Christmas may masquerade as a day for children, but no child can grasp what Christmas really has to offer the way an adult can. As adults we struggle to grasp it ourselves.

Christmas is the day that reminds us that whatever we'd ask Santa for may actually be ours, or at least the deep desire motivating that more easily describable desire on the surface. Christmas is the day that shows us that God in heaven really has noticed us and really does care enough to do something for us. And he doesn't just do the easy thing for us, no easliy purchased gift or wish of well being. He does the hard, life consuming thing for us. He does the unexpected and unexplainable. He gives up everything that makes him different from us and becomes one of us so that he can eventually die for us so that we'll never die and never know pain again. The God of heaven and earth becomes a baby dependant on one of his own creations for his basic needs like food and shelter. Christmas tells us that he cares And he acts for us. He's not far away and we're not too small or insignificant for him to notice. And though we couldn't get near enough to him, he came to where we are to be near to us. It's an amazing story of love. And it tells us that whatever we long for, no matter how unattainable it is, we can't give up because he does work on our behalf and do the things that only he can do. If he became one of us and then did did what only one of us can do -die, how strange to think that he wouldn't do the "little" thing that we want or need from him.

Christmas is the season that reminds us to hope "and hope does not dissappoint." Christmas tells us to trust him and to trust his love for us. It's a season of expectation. Children hope for gifts, so do adults. It's a season of watching and waiting for our desire to be fulfilled. It's a season of wondering exactly how it will be fulfilled and what it will look like when it is. It's a time that tells us that no matter what, it will be OK, no matter what, we will be OK, because of the God who was a human baby. Even those who has enough insight at the time of his birth to expect a saviour never expected that he'd enter the scene in the form of a helpless baby. How does a helpless baby help anyone? They had to wait 33 years to see him conquer death before their expectation was fulfilled, and even then some still didn't get it, but in the end their desire is fulfilled, just like ours will be.

Hope isn't just a wish. It's not "I hope will get a better job," "I hope to get married," or "I hope no one I love will get cancer." It's confident expectation. There has to be trust in a worthy source for the fulfillment of hope. It doesn't guarantee that we'll have exactly what we wish for in exactly the way we picture it, but it does mean that we'll have the desire of our hearts because God knows what's in our heart even better then we do, he knows what's at the root of the desires that surface in our lives and he's loves to bring us wholeness and fulfillment.
There will be joy and there will be peace, but most significantly, at least to me, there's hope. Just a little more waiting and constant watchfullness and our hearts will be filled -that's the wonder of Christmas.

This Christmas we wish you all your heart desires and we pray that you will find wonder in the God who cares enough to come near so he could give you the very best gifts.
With joy, Dan and Annie Thress

Thanksgiving

2005-11-26T09:26:00.000-08:00

TJ

I haven't made my list in a while, but since Thanksgiving Day is a good reminder, it seems like it's time.

Things I'm thankful for:

My husband -he is an amazing man and I still can't believe that we're actaully married sometimes.
A really God blessed marriage and that we're having so much fun establishing our own family
Our new nephew TJ & that he arrived safe and healthy
Christmas time
The plastic that Dan put over the windows- now I don't wake up freezing
Lots of creative energy & inspiration
Lots of work lately -very good with Christmas coming
A house that's becoming more and more homelike all the time
Fun with Jaime Hesper
Chipotle & Smackies & Starbucks
That Jesus is gracious and patient with me
Opportunities to learn new things
Our digital SLR
The movies Elizabethtown & Capote
All the opportunities Dan has in the realm of poetry right now
Pumpkin and Apple things to bake
The Thress and Amato extended families
My favorite red pair of gloves that was missing last year
That the park isn't so crowded now that it's cold -it's much nicer to run in now
Our church and all the people in it

messiah college

2005-11-17T19:41:00.000-08:00

pondering art

2005-11-07T10:06:00.000-08:00

Every so often I'll hear or see a piece of art that truly speaks to me and I leave challenged, encouraged and inspired.

Sometimes it's a song or a painting. Usually for me I need to experience it with more than just one of my senses. I like movies a lot for that reason. They're not all good, in fact some are bad. Some are bad because they don't communicate and others are bad because of what they communicate. The ones that speak to me of beauty, righteousness, and the value of life leave a lingering in my heart that continues to speak.

Often I get surprised and get caught up in the work. When that happens I leave a little different than I came, though it’s difficult to explain. I think that's the power of art. Maybe God gave it to us for relief from the ordinary. I imagine that he intended art to give us glimpse of him, but by releasing it into the hands of free men, he allowed for arts to show us everything, and even to inspire us to create other gods in his place.

But, even those of us who have no context for what Good really is, will hear it's voice, or see it's beauty, and be attracted to it, even if they immediately walk away and choose to forget. I don't completely understand all of this, but I am thankful for the reminders that break into my ordinary life and show me something that's not only greater, but that also lives so deep in my heart. When the art speaks deep inside of me, a connection is made with my conscious life that brings me closer to the time when the deep will be conscious.

Attitude Adjustment

2005-10-28T08:07:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted anything in quite a while because I have actually been working a "real job" for a few weeks now. It's a blessing to work, especially with the holidays coming and a honeymoon that still isn't entirely paid for. God has been so good in providing the opportunity to work at a job with a guaranteed paycheck about twice as much as I usually do and I am really consciously thankful for that.

I'm having a hard time with it though. When you have a variety of very part time jobs you get a lot of variety, but you don't get a lot of responsibility. That's usually fine because I like that I can leave work at work and use my time away for painting or photography. If either of my creative jobs paid better I'd happily not do the others anymore. But for now, the other jobs are a huge blessing and it's great to be able to work so much. I'm not coping well with being the person who gets all the dumb tasks dumped on them though. When I work more part time it's easier to look at it as serving and to do it without even thinking about it, but when it's all day everyday and you have a boss in bad mood, it's not so good.

I feel like I've been cut off from the people I usually get to invest in and I'm not accomplishing anything worthwhile. Lately I've been yelled at for everything little thing I do so I feel like nothing I do is appreciated, not matter how hard I try to "serve with a smile." Really, what's the point? I graduated college with honors. You think that would qualify me to answer the phone and do some other menial tasks, but apparently not. If the degree doesn't qualify me, the last two years that I've worked this job and not screwed it up too badly should count, but they don't.

When I left this job yesterday i went to another job, that is, at least, related to art- it's in a gallery. I thought it was going to be a job where I could learn from the owner and actually contribute something valuable to help make it successful. I think there maybe still be opportunity for that in the future, but yesterday, I made 4 phone calls, talked to the one man who came into the gallery and didn't stay long enough in my opinion, and played solitaire. At the end of yesterday, I felt pretty worthless. Actually I didn't feel worthless exactly because I feel like I have skills and something valuable to contribute, but it's wearying and frustrating to use a lot of energy to produce nothing and to be treated like it's all I've got to give. I get energy from being creative and productive. Lately I've been neither of those and what's worse is that even when I go home, I'm so exhausted from not being creative or productive that I can't motivate myself to be creative and productive there. It's a black hole, I tell you.

When I started this blog, I was planning on writing about how we need to be creative to be "fulfilled," since God is a creator and we're made in His image. However, as I've been rambling (complaining) on, what keeps hitting me is that Jesus came to earth and laid aside some of His God qualities and no one really even comprehended what He had to offer, let alone appreciated it. He didn't complain. He didn't get a paycheck either. All he got was a horrible execution. I'm trying to imagine how much he must have longed to get back to heaven where he didn't have to deal with any of our crap. He must have thought about how he'd be served and worshiped in heaven and here he had to work for food just like those of us who can't speak a word and have bread appear. He must have wondered if we even knew that he didn't actually have to construct a table from wood and nails because he spoke the original word that created the tree that the wood came from a long time ago and could create the whole table just as easily.

Talk about "wasted" skills. He didn't even get a weekend to go back to heaven and "refuel." There wasn't and "equal" at home either. He didn't get to end each day in the arms of someone who loved him and understood and encouraged him. All he got was more of the same. I'm wearied by 8 hours of uninspiring work. He had years and years.

I guess what I really need is an attitude adjustment (but I'd still like a better job). I need to just serve, no matter how much I feel like "it's beneath me." I'm not sure that it' really even ok for me to entertain the thought that anything is too insignificant for my time. I guess I have a long way to go, but now that I have had my attitude adjustment for the day, at least I know what direction I should be going in.

"Motherhood" for Leslie

2005-10-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

opps

2005-10-11T06:30:00.000-07:00

Thanks Zena.
We had no idea that this site was blocking comments.
Fixed, sorted, thank you!

Ah, the joy of married life...

2005-10-06T22:52:00.000-07:00

"I fart when I'm happy. I just can't contain my joy." -husband

A formula to get me blogging

2005-10-05T10:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't written anything in a while and I can't think of much to write about. Life isn't boring. There's really good stuff going on. There's even a lot that I would like to write about, but a lot of that news isn't necessarily mine to share, at least not right now.
However, my job as a substitute receptionist is boring and since I have the time to sit in front of a computer and am in need of updating my blog, I'm going to actually fill out one of these meme things. So if you have been craving random information about me, and I know you have, it's your lucky day.

1. What is your occupation?
Officially, I'am an artist. I'm a painter and a photograpaher. However, I am also a substitute receptionist, I work in the field of client happiness for a market research firm, and an event planner. I'd love to be nothing but a full time artist and maybe someday I will be, but until then, I will do a variety of things to make sure the bills get paid so that the lights in the studio stay on.

2. What color is your underwear?
Orange

3. What are you listening to right now?
I'm actually really enjoying 97.1 because I can play it through my computer at work and it's helping make the day go faster. I could use a little less 80's music (how much Madonna can we really handle?) but I'm enjoying Green day.

4. What was the last thing you ate?
Atomic Fire Ball.

5. Do you wish on stars?
Not so much, but I love to look at them.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Orange

7. How is the weather right now?
Gorgeous. A perfect day to not be stuck to a computer

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Not sure, but he was a nice man with a hispanic accent

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Found it on a blog, but not saying who I stole it from

10. Favorite drink?
Starbucks Carmel Frappucino with whipped cream if it's hot out. If it's cold, white hot chocolate made with skim milk and whipped cream. I also like fountain diet soda, but not diet soda from a can or bottle.

11. Favorite sport to watch?
I like football in the fall, but that's more of a celebration of the season than interest in the game. I do like to watch figure skating though.

12. Have you ever dyed your hair?
Si

13. Do you wear contacts or glasses?
Yep

14. Pets?
The most spoiled cat in the world lives with Dan and me. Her name is Isabelle and we love her. I don't even like most cats, but she's this black cloud of fur and she's super sweet and it would be hard not to fall in love with her

15. Favorite month?
October

16. Favorite food(s)?
Chipotle burritos, tomato, basil & mozarella sandwiches, the sweet popcorn that Dan makes me, Chocolate Elvis Smoothies from Planet Smootie, Crunching Buckeye Shushi rolls, raspberry lemon charlottes, most MiddleEastern, Indian or African Food.

17. What was the last movie you watched?
Born Into Brothels and before that, The Constant Gardner. Both are incredible.

18. Favorite day of the year?
Maybe Sweetest Day, not so much because it's a worthy holiday, but it's always a Saturday in October and Saturday's in October are usually pretty good. My birthday's usually pretty good too, or my friend's birthdays.

19. What do you do to vent anger?
I cry. Verbally processing usually helps. Sometimes I yell. Sometimes I go for a run. I always have this fantasy about breaking glass. It seems like there would be a huge release in physically throwing something that's a little heavy and then hearing it break.

20. What was your favorite toy as a child?
I liked dolls or my bike. I also liked paints and crayons and markers (still do) and I always loved the swings (definitely still do).

21. Fall or Spring?
Fall

22. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs

23. Cherry or Blueberry?
Depends

24. Living arrangements?
We live in lovely house downtown that we neither own or rent (beat that!). We have a beautiful backyard with a little pond full of fish and a fire pit so we spend a lot of time there. We have a living room, a kitchen, a drum room, a studio, an office, a bed room, another bedroom that is basically a glorified closet and 1 1/2 bathrooms. We've painted it mostly orange, red or green, but we still have a little left to piant. If feels like home though. We're pretty blessed. The best part about our house is that it's our house. Dan is there when I come home after work and he's there when I wake up in the morning. It's pretty nice. Ilike it.

25. Favorite place in the world?
Turkey

26. When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday. It's a pretty regular occurance. Life doesn't stink, I just cry easily, sometimes even when I'm happy.

27. What is on the floor of your closet?
Shoes, my backpack and roller blades.

28. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
Mmm, I'm not sure. There are a lot of people that were my friends when I was little that I still know, but as far as people who are still good friends now, probably Jenny Walker, or my sister. Do sisters count?

29. What did you do last night?
Dan and I went to Franklin Park to exercise (I ran, he biked), then we got Chinese carryout. After dinner I worked in my studio for a while and I watched a little tv while I painted. Then Dan made the good popcorn and we watched some more tv together and went to bed.

30. Favorite smell?
Organza First Light perfume, Vanilla Jasmine or Ginger Pear candles, and bluberry muffins baking and strangley, deisel fuel.

31. Favorite TV show?
I like Lost a lot, and I'm starting to like Invasion, but we'll see how that goes. It has potential to be bad, but it could be really good. I loved American Dreams, but it's doesn't seem to be coming back, much like Joan of Arcadia. I also love Scrubs.

32. What inspires you?
Jesus. Dan. Bold colors, beautiful music, or really, anything beautiful. People who are stong and act with courage.

33. What are you afraid of?
Loosing Dan. Loosing anyone close to me. Loosing my freedom. Being too out of control. Never having kids. Violence.

34. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?
Spicy with cheese.

35. Favorite dog breed?
I'm not sure what kind they are, but I like medium size dogs, the kind that were probably bread for hunting. I want to be able to go for a run with my dog, but I don't want him to be big enough to dominate the house. He should be big enough to be a good security system.

36. Number of keys on your key ring?
11

37. How many years at your current job?
umm, such a good question. Which job?

38. Favorite day of the week?
I like a lot of them because they're all different. Tuesday through Thursday are all pretty similar, butthe rest are all good.

39. How many states have you lived in?
4- Ohio, California, New Jersey, & Colorado

40. How many cities have you lived in?
Columbus & Athens, Ohio; Newport Beach, California; Ocean City, New Jersey; Ankara, Turkey; and Fort Collins, Colorado.

41. Do you think many of these questions are exceedingly lame?
Yeah maybe, but they're still a good way to pass the time at an otherwise uneventful job.

Our first collaboration

2005-09-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

Hesper got strep so Dan was drafted to help with our Via Colore Square. Today, muscles hurt that we hardly ever use, but we had so much fun yesterday. Here's what we came up with in five hours on Sunday. We had to rush due to the threat of rain, but I gotta say, I think we did pretty well.

Wisdom

2005-09-12T19:10:00.000-07:00

Pain is part of the seamless fabric of sensations, and often a necessary prelude to pleasure and fulfillment. The key to happiness lies not so much in avoiding pain at all costs as in understanding it's role as a protective warning system and harnessing it to work on your behalf, not against you. - Philip Yancey

The Bible was written in tears and to tears it yields it's best treasures. - AW Tozer

Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay close attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you came from and summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go next. - Frederick Buechner

The closest communion with God comes, I believe, through the sacrament of tears. Just as grapes are crushed to make wine and grain to make bread, so the elements of this sacrament come from the crushing experiences of life... So much is distilled in our tears, not the least of which is wisdom in living life. From my own tears I have learned that if you follow your tears, you will find what is dear to God. And if you find what is dear to God, you will find the answer to how you should live your life. - Ken Gire

I believe the Lord allows many things to happen on purpose to make us feel our need of Him. The more you find Him in your sorrows and wants the more you will be attracted to Him and drawn away from this place where the sorrows are, to Him in the place where He is. - Miles Stanford

However deep the pit, God's love is still deeper. - Corrie Ten Boom

Things I'm Thankful For

2005-08-31T21:46:00.000-07:00

Since Maureen is so cool, I'm following her lead and posting my list of things I'm thankful for. Here are 25 of my most favorite at the moment:

* all the people in this picture who celebrated our wedding day with us (and those who didn't fit in the frame)
* all the people who helped us get ready for our wedding, from tying the bows on the bubbles to pre marital advice
* all the people who are still supporting us in our marriage through their prayers and encouragement
* both of our families and all they did to bless our wedding
* that I have work to do that actually makes money
* my cat, Isabelle
* that my husband wants to spend time with me
* that we're safe from Katrina
* baby twix bars
* our "little" church
* that Jaime Hesper has a great new house and that it's closer to ours
* that it's finally cooled down so we can cook in our kitchen
* that fall is coming
* white moths
* our perfect backyard
* office supplies from Target that are so fun I actually want to tackle jobs like insurance and the bills
* really great people in our lives
* that my studio is just about uncluttered enough so I can start painting again
* the way Jesus keeps blessing me and encouraging me to trust more and more as I see what He's already done for me
* a house full of wonderful wedding gifts that make our home so much nicer
* flowers from our garden
* my nephew TJ, who we'll all meet after he's born in November
* that Columbus has somewhat of an arts scene, with poetry slams and art shows
* my husbands creative ideas and initiative in scheduling poetry slams and art shows at the music hall
* afternoon naps on rainy days

My Husband!

2005-08-21T19:36:00.000-07:00

Things I'm learning on the honeymoon

2005-08-18T18:59:00.000-07:00

We're in beautiful St. Martin, on our honeymoon. The weather has cooled down and it's perfect. The ocean has so many different shades of blue and green and it's as clear as glass and warm. The pool, which is also warm, overlooks the ocean, and so does the jacuzzi. The people are super friendly and a really sweet woman named Francisca comes to clean our room everyday and she does it with a smile. She hasn't even mentioned how we might be the messiest people on the island. Right now drinks are half off at the bar and they know how to make great pina coladas. Everyone seems happy here and I'm here with my husband.

"My husband," I've waited 30 years to be able to call someone that. It's a little surreal. I imagine that it will take quite a while before it all sets in. I signed my name "Annie Thress" for the first time today and that was a little strange, but it felt really good. Everyone told us that marriage only gets better with time. This has been so good, I can only imagine what's ahead for us as a married couple, but I'm excited. I love my husband dearly (even though he's started smoking cigars), but I know there are a ton of ways we're going to have to change and grow and make decisions in favor of the other person to make our marriage work. Someone told me that the honeymoon is the time when you figure out how to be married. They said you go away to figure it out away from the pressures of everyday life and they implied that we would have it mostly figured out by the time we came home. Whatever.

This has been nice. The time leading up to the wedding was so crazy so it's been good to get away and rest. That's been good for us as a married couple. I'm not necessarily nice when I'm stressed (either is Dan, but if he asks you didn't hear it from me). It's been good to have the time to start our marriage away from normal life for that reason. It's been good to experience the beauty of this place together and to have time to reflect on how great the wedding was and how sweet it was to be surrounded by everyone we love and blessed as we started our new life together. The problem is that this isn't normal life. You hear the phrase "the honeymoon period" all the time to refer to a time of some sort of bliss before the hardness of real life hits. No one wants the proverbial "honeymoon" to be over. We might be ready for the real one to be over though.

Our real life is hard, but wonderful and we can't wait to get back to it. The beauty of it all is that we get to keep doing the stuff of the new marriage that's so great here in the midst of our lives back home and I imagine it will make the marriage even sweeter and better. All we're leaving is this place, which is beautiful and wonderful, but the truth is I've actually felt a little depressed on our honeymoon and Dan has too. Crazy, I know. But those feelings of depression seem to be the greatest teachers we could have to learn about how to make our marriage work at home.

Here we have each other, beauty and time to rest. I know a lot of you reading this are envious of one or all of those, but all we have here is those three things and it took about two and a half days for us to feel the incredible lack of the fullness of all that we have at home. We're lonely. We don't have any real outlet to process the beauty we see and we don't have enough valuable work to make the days feel worthwhile. Our first two days went like this: "Wow, I can't believe how incredible everything is here. Let's take a(nother) photo before we lie in the sun some more." And then we'd think, maybe we can get an internet connection and share it with some people at home.

At first I felt like something must be wrong with me, or us, because we're on our honeymoon, but I miss my friends and family. Then I thought, "What if we'd have to move someday and leave our family and friends behind? Shouldn't we be happy just because we're together? If we're not, was this whole marriage was a mistake? What if we made a mistake? Are we going to be miserable?" And then I'd hear God say "get a grip. I knew what I was doing and my plans are always good. The fact that you both feel this way is proof that I made you compatible." We both need to be connected. At home I talk on the phone a lot and he’s on the computer “talking” when we’re not physically with other people. I never realized how much I need that. Plus, we just had this incredible experience where all of the people we love were in one place celebrating our wedding with us and leading up to that we had showers and parties to prepare in advance. It’s a drastic difference to go from all of that to just the two of us all day, every day. We love each other very much and we’re so happy to be married, but we need other people. The wedding showed us how blessed we are to have all of you who came in our lives. The time away is showing us how much we need you.

I’m also learning that, in a way, I need to share my experiences in order to process and enjoy them. Everything here is amazing, but it will be even better when we can tell you about it and maybe even show you some pictures. Even blogging like this is helping “make it real” to me. When we were shopping yesterday I wished for so much money so I could bring back gifts for the people that blessed us and got us here. I just wanted them to have some of the experience too. Somehow, that would make it even better for me.

Lastly, rest is great, but after a certain point I need to feel productive or I get restless and if it continues, I will make Dan crazy. I’m so excited to get home and paint and even to go back to working at the different jobs that God has blessed me with. At least then I’ll be contributing money to help with the household bills and that’s valuable.

So, it’s crazy, but the lack of these things has shown me what I need to function well and to bless Dan. I don’t get tons of energy from vacation. I needed the rest after the wedding, but now that I’ve rested, I need my normal life with all of the abnormally good blessings that God has filled it with. We still have one more day here and we will enjoy it. How could we not. But I don’t think we’ll be as sad to leave as I had anticipated. I looked forward to this trip so much, but now, I’m looking forward to seeing Dan’s brother at the airport when we get home, sleeping in our bed together for the first time, going to church on Sunday and worshipping God with some of our best friends and then to dinner at my parents house and seeing all of our the people we’ve missed throughout the week. I’m looking forward to painting and putting together our wedding album. I’m looking forward to getting the house in order so we can have people over and I’m looking forward to figuring out what our normal life together will be like. I’m confident that “normal life” will beat the honeymoon.

Thankful

2005-08-04T12:51:00.000-07:00

Dan and I are getting married in 9 days. We started counting down around day 260. It seemed like forever back then. We celebrated when we hit day 100, and then 50 and today we actually moved into the single digits. I am very excited, and very stressed.

I'm not stressed about getting married. I'm not nervous. I have no doubts about Dan. In fact, I'd marry him right now if I could. I'd actually really like to. I'm stressed because that's what I do when there are details that I can't get my mind around. I like to have a firm grasp on situations. I like to be in control. Right now, I am not. Back at day 200 or so we decided to have the wedding close to home. That sounded good then. But now we're thinking that people who have their weddings somewhere else are smarter. We realized a few weeks ago, much to our surprize, that we would actually like to leave home on our wedding day, go somewhere else where someone else cleans and sets up, makes all the arrangements for our food, etc., and then cleans up after us and our guests when we're done. We're freaks. We wanted the "totally personalized wedding" from handmade invitations to our own special music. We did this to ourselves. Dan seems much calmer than me. He seems to thrive on the last minute stuff. I am not in control and I am not happy.
But as the saying goes "God is in control," and "God is good." He is both of those things, as Dan keeps reminding me. And He keeps trying to show me that He's got it covered. My problem is that I have expectations and not only do I have expectations, I think other people have expectations. I can let go of many of those people's expectations. I'm not a huge "people pleaser," but there are people who's expectations do matter, like Dan's, of course, and my parents, who are generously footing the bill, and even if they weren't, they're my parents.

But God is good. And the whole thing is good. I mean, we're getting married and then we're having a party to celebrate it. We're getting married! We've waited a long time and now it's time to finally celebrate! Let's definitely celebrate it!

And though I don't like standing in the middle of all the chaos, from there I get to see all that's going around me.

There's Dan, who proposed and set this whole thing rolling. Today he asked Michael if he could play a song that I told Dan I wanted in the wedding months ago. Even if Michael can't pull it off with a one man band, I'll be thrilled just the same, because Dan remembered and cared. He also encouraged me to take time to paint last night even though the house is an absolute disaster and we have deadlines. He's been good about encouraging me not to stress and helping me keep things in perspective.

There's my mother, who has gone way out of her way to organize details and to make sure everything will be perfect. She's shopped and made calls and thought about details that neither Dan or I ever thought of. I'm especially thankful for the way she has made extra effort to make sure Dan and I get exactly what we want, even though we may be freaks. She and my father have graciously paid for all of those details too and neither of them have ever complained once, on top of that they bought us a beautiful wedding gift, as if the wedding wasn't more than enough. I've never felt so extravagantly blessed. I'm starting to get that that's what God does for us, and I'm grateful to my parents for that object lesson.
There's my sister, who has also gone out of her way to heap blessings on us. She's done tons of work and also blessed us materially. She has logged many hours listening to me process or vent. She has shared her marital wisdom and she planned our beautiful shower to start the celebration back in May.

Then there's Jaime Hesper, or as I like to call her, Hairspray. She's painted our walls, tied bowls on bubbles and even offered to drive down here and take care of Isabelle while we're on our honeymoon. Yesterday, she let me hang 9 paintings at her office so they wouldn't be here to clutter our house. Tomorrow night I will relax because she has invited some of my freinds over for girls night. We're going to eat ice cream cake and drink wine, talk and maybe even watch a movie. I need that. Hairspray has blessed me in so many ways and met me in so many areas of need, and I actually think she's had fun doing it. I've had a blast with her.

Dan's brother Andy is throwing our rehearsal dinner. I had a minor fraek out a few weeks ago because I thought Dan and I were going to have to do it on top of everything else, but Andy rocks! I went from being totally stressed to being so excited. Andy is one of those people who seems incredibly organized and I imagine that no one could pull if off better than he will. What a blessing!

Becky is alowing us to use the music hall for the recpetion, the rehearsal, and Dan's current place of residence, while I stay in the house she owns and lets us live in rent free. Today she offered us a color printer, which I've been praying for for months. And she often feeds us. Becky not only cares for our physical needs. She's a great friend and very much like a mother.

Jeff Cannell is not only marrying us, he has also shared so much wisdom for us as we head into marriage, and wisdom for this time when we're preparing for marriage. He took things off our list of "to do's." He kept us from killing each other a few times. He encourages us, not only because he's excited about our marraiage, but also because he seems excited about our lives. And he makes us laugh.

Bethany Freudenreich,whose name I most likely just spelled wrong, has been a huge encouagement too. She sent me an email yesterday telling me things that she had been praying about for me as it gets close to our wedding day. It so full of really specific things that show that she is someone who not only listens when you talk, but she remembers, and she not only remebers, but she prays. I felt so blessed and supported and loved. She also volunteered to help set up for our reception while I get my hair done that morning. Seriously, I can't express how thankful I am.

Then, I'm thankful to God for Dan and this wedding, of course, but also because He's somehow helped us get more done in this last week than we had in the previous month. Floors got stained, walls got painted, UPS even delivered the curtains earlier than expected so we could finish the bedroom for the wedding night. The garden got planted and the drill bit was evicted from it (by the way, if you ever have a canopy that won't go on the bed frame, or a marimba without assembly instructions, or, as it turns out, a huge drill bit in the garden, Dick Day is the man to call. I am thankful for him). Dan and his groomsmen finally have suits. A huge stress relief. We even have renters insurance (thanks to Jaime Hesper, who not only sells it, but shows up a door the next night ready to inform you that there's a "strange fellow" snooping around outside. Hows that for complete coverage?).

There's way more, but as usual, this getting way long. If you see me between now and the wedding and I look stressed, remind me that God is good and he's got covered and that I'm the one who said I'm thankful. That should fix it. And thank you very much.

Still-Life

2005-07-31T05:56:00.001-07:00

I saw this still life yesterday in the living room and thought it said a lot about Annie's world-view.

A long strange week

2005-07-09T16:27:00.000-07:00

This was a long strange week. I worked a lot, which meant I had a lot of time to play on the internet. Rather than give you all the boring details I thought I'd just share the links I have been looking at and you can use your imagination.

Honeymoon Planning

Social Conscience

Making A Home

Creative (if not devious) Ideas

When You've Just Had Enough

I live with a boy!

2005-06-25T13:22:00.000-07:00

This week has been full of craziness and changes, and the result is, well, I now live with a boy. Don't worry, we know the wedding is still 7 weeks away. Every night he takes his things and heads next door to the loft apartment at the music hall and I head upstairs to the bed that will be mine and Dan's after the wedding and that I now share with my cat, Isabelle (who seems pretty happy that someone finally got her a bed big enough to be worthy of the princess she is).
We spent the first half of the week truly killing ourselves to get the house fixed up enough to move the furniture in. If you saw it before, particularly the two rooms upstairs that had water damaged ceilings and dingy walls with cobwebs, you may have been afraid, like me. However, with some spackle, a couple of coats of primer, some scrubbing, some colorful paint on the walls and and some less colorful paint on the ceilings it actually looks decent (of course we couldn't do anything until after we hauled boxes and boxes of junk to the basement, some of which belonged to us and some left by previous owners). We had actually thought to start well in advance, but we didn't get nearly enough done in time, so we worked hard to make the "deadline." We saw new sides of each other in the process too. Unfortunetly we both get really really tired under stress, which doesn't help get the job done, and adds more stress. Dan had to have an emergency root canal in the middle of all of it too, so he was in severe pain early on in the week. It was not fun. Thankfully, we did get enough done and the progress was inspiring enough to motivate us to finish the project (which we will do before the wedding).

In the midst of all of that craziness, I had to pack all my stuff and move out of the house where I've lived with amazing roommates for the past 3 years. Since everything was so chaotic, I wasn't really processing at all. One of my roommates, Katie, the one who had been in the house with me for all 3 years got married last night and in a few days she and her new husband will be moving to Greece, which is super exciting for them, but a little sad for those of us who who will be left behind.
The wedding was beautiful -so perfectly Katie. She married a good man and it was such a wonderful day.
A little backgroud- Kate and I met shortly after we both went through horrible breakups and bonded over broken hearts, back packed through Europe together to try to forget and then got a house in Vicorian Village with our friend Jen. We spent two years doing life together and often discussing whether or not there was actually a man out there that either of us could see ourselves with. Then at the end of last summer and into the fall we both fell in love, got engaged and now she's married and I have 7 weeks to go.
In the time we lived together Jen moved out, Liz moved in and Jamie "dwelt in the office" for awhile. There was much drama all around. We made a lot of mudslides, watched a lot of "friends," and adopted Isabelle the cat, there were graduations and birthdays and big New Years parties. It was actually the first place that ever felt like home since I moved out of my parent's house when I went to college and my roommates were very much like family.

By the time we made it to the reception last night there was no where to sit so Dan and I headed up to the balcony, both still very much exhausted from the week, and I just started crying. I had so much looked forward to being with my friends that night and for some reason, not having a seat suddenly made it "real" that Kate was leaving and I'm getting married and nothing will ever be the same. It's so strange, because we're all moving on to new and wonderful things (Liz is headed to Georgetown to work on her master's degree) and I'm so happy, but it's still so sad. I guess that's proof that God had blessed us before and more than enough to hope and expect that he'll do it again. It's really really good.
I did eventually pull myself together, with a lot of help from Dan, and enjoyed the reception. Then we came home, sat on opposite sides of the room (because there are still boxes everywhere that need to be unpacked), relaxed for a bit, went to our separate beds.
When I woke up this morning I was again shocked by the fact that his little bathroom is full of my stuff (probably not as shocked as he is though. I wonder if he knew how much stuff women use on their hair alone) and then it hit me that he is the last roommate I'll ever have. This is way more permenant than it's ever been for me before. I loved my life the way it was, but I know I'll love my life with Dan and right now the permanance is really comforting, even if he is a boy.

Rare footage of Dan and my mom, squaredancing

2005-06-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

Rose

2005-06-16T17:58:00.000-07:00

My Baby didn't just bring me a rose (which would've been a lovely-enough romantic gesture), he brought me 10 rose bushes, which he lovingly planted and cares for every day. This is the first rose to bloom from our bushes. He brought it in the house and put it in this lovely vase. (When the neighbors saw him cutting it they told him to put it on my bed, but since I don't live with him yet, it provided yet another opportunity for them to realize that there's something different about us- so maybe God has bigger plans for that rose than we did, who knows?) Everything about our relationship has been "pleasently amplified"- the speed at which we knew we wanted to be married, the amazing place to live, the amazing place to honeymoon, etc., and now the intensity of the romantic gestures. I'm so happy to be with such an amazing man. Last year at this time life was so different. I couldn't even have imagined all of the blessings that God has so abundantly poured out on me and I never would've guessed that I'd be getting ready to marry someone as wonderful as Dan or that he would love me the way he does. I am a happy girl, oh and very, very blessed.

Tammy, Mathieu and Alex the Dove

2005-04-25T22:02:00.000-07:00

Our neighbor's blog

Wealth, Man!

2005-04-25T21:15:00.000-07:00

In this past week we got to have lunch with our neighbors, a Frenchman and his wife, on Saturday. We spent the afternoon in the backyard hearing the story of how they met and telling them ours. They brought they're pet dove over to play in the pond and we laughed. It's so good to be getting to know the people who live so close to us and it's especially good because they're already becoming good friends.

On Sunday a good friend of Dan's stopped by and they got to spend some time catching up in the back yard by a fire in the beautiful spring weather.

Monday night another good friend of Dan's, Steve, who he knew from when he lived in New York, called to say that he would be in town all week. He came over to the house and I enjoyed getting to know him so much and Dan was so blessed to be able to reconnect with an old friend.

On Wednesday while I was at work a co worker brought a new French exchange student to the office because she was helping her try to find a good place to live. I got to meet her and I think we'll be able to invite her over sometime soon to meet our neighbor, which will hopefully give her some time to relax and speak her native language for a little while.

On Thursday night Dan hosted the home group that had been meeting at his house for the last time. We all worshipped together in the music room as Dan and another man played the drums and another played the piano. At the end of the night the whole group surrounded us and prayed for us, our upcoming marriage, our transition to our new church and for God to bless us. Afterwards we met up with Steve at an Irish pub where many of his fellow cast members from Riverdance had gathered to hear a few of the dancers perform surprisingly good rock music (we really weren't sure what to expect when dancers and celtic musicians step out for a one night only performance of rock and roll). At one point in the night a guitarist and a fiddle player stepped away from the mikes and sat down in the middle of the room and sang from there while everyone stood around them listening. It was strange that I didn't know most of them and aside from Dan and Steve, (the ones I did know I had only known for about half an hour) but there was comraderie there and it was really sweet to be able to stand together while the musicains just offered their songs for our pleasure, and theirs too, I'm sure.

Friday we we went to another home group, this one associated with our new church home and full of amazing people that I already feel connected to and so excited to get to know more. I think Dan and I both have a sense that this is exactly where God wants us and we feel like we belong.

Saturday we were privileged to be invited to a birthday party for our friends, Dennis and Lulu's, 2 year old. Their family is from Tanzania and the party was mostly populated by other Tanzanians. Everyone seemed so happy, Jesus' presence was felt and the food was wonderful! The best part though was afterwards when Dennis and Lulu came over for tea with Lulu's cousin and neice. They sang accapella worship in both English and Swahili and it was quite possibly the most perfect moment I've experienced in a very long time. It was so beautiful, yet so simple and looking back on it it's so overwhelming that I might cry because I'm not sure we're designed to hold that kind of gift within us for long.

On Sunday Steve blessed us with tickets to see Riverdance, which was wonderful in and of itself, but even better because we got to see a friend perform the music God has put within him. He seemed so happy as he played his solo on stage and we got to feel like we were sharing that with him, at a least a little.

After the show we all went to a poetry slam at a nice restraunt downtown. The poets were mostly African American so it felt like we got to experience their culture for a few hours through their poems. One man read a poem expressing the hurt that he's felt being a black man in America. He shared his experiences and the experiences of so many others, I'm sure, as he repeated the line "we know we were never wanted here, we know we were never welcomed here." That hurt me so much because all I could think about was how blessed my life has been because of all of the people and cultures that are a part of it. I kept thinking of Dennis and Lulu and how much they've added. I thought of the Irish culture that we had experienced that week and how beautiful it was. I thought of our neighbors and the French exchange student. I thought of the community of Christians believers that enrich our lives and our own faith and of all those who don't know Jesus (yet, hopefully,)and how they make me understand my own faith and what exactly what it is that Christ wanted to give us me when He said "I came that you may have life, and have it abundantly." I can't begin to imagine what it's like to be a minority in America, but I do know that we're all people and we have way more in common than is different between us. I know that the differences are beautiful and life is so much fuller when we try to understand the different perspectives.

There were so many times last week when I heard God say "see how rich I've made you." The thing is, with a wedding coming up and a house that needs to be made into a home for two self employed artist types, most people would not call us rich at all, but we are. No ammount of money or security could be as fulfilling as this. I imagined the commercial going "snacks for home group -X ammount of dollars. Meals while hosting -X ammount of dollars. Funishings to make your house somewhere where your friends actually like to be -X ammount of dollars. A life filled with color and beauty, with sweet old relationships and the promise of many new ones, a life where you feel God smiling on you and giving you good gifts just because He loves to bless His children and because He knows what real living is and He wants you to know too -priceless." There was a time in my life when I believed that I needed to be at least fairly well off to be happy, and I was right. I just didn't know that it wouldn't be money that constituted what "well off" means. But the really amazing part is that the God who owns it all didn't want me to be just well off, but extremely, abundantly wealthy.

Change

2005-04-22T04:47:00.000-07:00

Last night Dan hosted his last home group at his house, at least for a while. I had my last night with the group I lead 2 weeks ago. Today I'm working at the church we recently left and it's really starting to hit that I won't see these people on a regular basis anymore. At home all of our stuff (mine and my roomates) is getting organized to be moved and the neighbors keep asking "are you all really moving out? Do you have friends moving in or will it be all new tenants this summer?"
It's hard to say goodbye to a lot of the things and people that have been so important to me over the past few years, but it's really sweet too. It's so good to be able to look back and see what God has done in my life and how He has not only taken care of me, but gone way above to bless me over the past few years, and it's so good to be able to carry the confidence that comes with looking back into the future. This is the first time that I really feel like very part of my life is certain to be good up ahead. I don't mean that I expect it to be easy and perfect, but this is the first time most of the details are clear and I kind of know what I'm getting into and I like it. And I feel like everything's kind of "an improvement." I love my roommates and all the people who regularly show up at our home, but there's a deeper life ahead with Dan full of new people and a beautiful new home that we can use to bless other people together. I love our "old church." God has done amazing things in my life there and I wouldn't be who I am today without what He has done through the people I met there and the opportunities I had. However, it's time to move on. I think I started to feel it last summer and it's almost been easy to leave because God was preparing me all along. Plus, our new church home is incredible. And it does help to be able to look back and see that God has been in every new place and blessed me in every change, even the ones I wasn't happy about in the past and know that He will do the same now. So, change is good, and that's good.

Easter

2005-03-27T22:42:00.000-08:00

I love Easter because it means anything's possible...

Random thoughts

2005-03-23T15:43:00.000-08:00

Today I'm starting to feel the way my roomies have seemed to feel over the past few weeks when they've had the flu, so that may be influencing my thoughts the way it influenced my dreams last night, but as a means of trying to process, here's what I'm thinking about:

First, will winter in Ohio ever end?

Second, is it rude to knock on the door of the guy who lives below us and say "I couldn't help but notice that you've started playing the drums. I know a good drum teacher, maybe you should take lessons?"

Third, Dan's birthday is coming up and I want to make it really special, but I don't have any good ideas.

What if my cat suffocates since she loves to play in plastic bags? I hate cats, but I love my cat and I'd be so so sad if she died.

We went to see an Easter passion play the other day and I definitely found it pretty easy to identify with Judas and Peter, while I was blown away by what Jesus did all over again. Every time I reflect on the cross I find that I can't seem to process it and I'm amazed and humbled. But isn't the Spirit of God working in me to make me more like Christ? And if He is, why do I still understand Judas and Peter's hearts and minds better than Jesus'? There are no Judas and Peter spirits working in me. And while Peter is most definitly a step up from who I am on my own, I'm not comforted at all to see how much like Judas I am.

Also. when we were at the play I was a little disppointed because Dan didn't seem to be enjoying it the same way I was. I felt like God was speaking and it was this huge emotional thing for me, and Dan seemed restless. Then God so clearly put me in my place. He pointed out that Dan hears from Him more clearly and more often than I do and He told me that it's the diffrences between us that make us a stronger together than we would be on our own.

Lastly, I'm happy today because a friend who has seemed to be blowing me off for something like 5 months asked me to lunch out of the blue and another friend that I haven't seen in a while stopped by and we made plans to hang out later. That makes this day happy, flu and all.

better now

2005-03-18T13:55:00.000-08:00

After my minor freakout earlier in the week, things have either gotten better, or at least my perspective has. Either way, I'm happier. We got a lot done this week and everyone's pitching in so I feel like a lot that still isn't done will be, without me even having to think about it. My mom and my sister have been great.
I've even had time to paint. I've been working on painting portraits of my sister's pets, which isn't overly interesting, but at least I'm painting and she'll be blessed when I'm done. She's even given me a little grace to only finish two now and to do the rest later so I can work on something more inspiring.
Last night at our home group we talked about how God gives us gifts to use, but if we don't use them he let's us experience the consequences in all parts of our lives. I'm a little torn right now because I legitimatly have other things to do, but I do feel like there are consequences when I'm not being creative. I get stressed and feel weary and it's harder for me to see the beauty in life, then I don't have energy for the people around me and I doen't even feel as open to hear from God.
I'd like to figure out how I can approach everything situation in life from a creative and beauty seeking perspective, but I get task oriented and go into this mode where I have to get things done asap so I can get back to beauty and creativity. But there are people who seem really good at integrating it all. I want to to be like that. I hate busyness, but right now the only way I know how to deal with it is to get done with all of the tasks so I can get back to life as I like it. I don't know how to let to let things wait till later without being stressed and anxious. I seriously wonder if you just have to be made a certain way to be one of those people who sees beauty in busyness. If God did make some people that way, I am not one of them.

need another day in the week

2005-03-14T21:49:00.000-08:00

Our wedding is in 152 days. Before that we have to plan the wedding (and come up with the money to do it), plan the honeymoon (and come up with the money to do it), design the invitations, address envelopes, register, paint the whole house and make some major repairs, buy furniture, I have to pack and move, try to get in shape so I can wear the dress, get some new paintings done for this summer's shows, and keep up on all the things that normal life requires. On top of all that I keep thinking "plan the marriage, the wedding's just a day," and I wonder if we're doing all we need to be to lay a good foundation and I wonder if Dan will recognize me after the wedding when life is suddenly void of wedding planning and all that goes with it. I want to be the wife he deserves... This is supposed to be one of the happiest times of our lives. I hate feeling stressed all the time. I'm usually pretty good at handeling it all, but all of this is new. Help! Why is it so hard to just relax and trust Jesus with all the details? I feel like there's a million chores to be done and every day I work on them, but I'm not sure I'm actually making progress and I just feel more behind every day that I don't get to paint. I need to paint to feel like I'm doing what I was made to do. I need to paint so that I can be "an artist." I need to paint so I can be me and release some of the stress. I need to paint to worship.

Trying to figure it all out

2005-03-08T20:26:00.000-08:00

I'm not so good at this blogging thing just yet, but I see great potential. Right now just about everything in my life is new or changing, and this may be theraputic part of the process. If it works out, it just may become part of the life that will be after all the dust settles, whenever it settles. In the meantime, I'm really enjoying the whole whirling dust storm. God has been giving me a lot of peace, and in the glimpses I catch through the dust, the near future is looking really sweet.
In 150some days, I get to marry the most amazing man I've ever met. He's the guy I'd always prayed for and even "held out for," but usually didn't really believe existed. He is proof that God is able to do amazing things and that He really does love me and know me and have good things in store for me. And though there have definitley been lots of moments in the past when I grew impatient waiting for "the one," the timing also has God's handprints all over it. It's taken me the last 29 years to figure out who I am and what I'm supposed to do with my life. If anyone had come into that process I may have never figured it out, or I may have driven them mad as they tryed to to follow me through it. And before this point I may have looked to him to be God for me and missed out on God being God and all that He has for me, and for my husband. The timing is good too, because I haven't yet grown overly tired of single life, but I've had just enough to know it's not preferable as a pattern for the rest of my life.
In past years, I've learned of my own selfishness, but I've never been faced with the need to get over it the way I have been recently. Dan doesn't seem to have caught on yet, but I'm sure that he soon will see that not only am I fiercly independant, but I also want what I want when I want it and I'm usually pretty good at making sure I get it. I've actually heard God say to me recently "Is the happiness you think you'll get from that really worth the misery that you'll bring Dan if you pursue it?" And lately I've come to the conclusion that I may not be a very nice person. But while in the past I've known that God Himself is worthy of me becoming better for, Dan is a very real, here all the time, visible and touchable reason to become better. And he shows me God's grace in a very real way when I mess up and I'm so thankful for that.
Though the whole process of changing from a happy single preson to someone who knows how to prefer another above themselves is challenging to say the least, and one that I'm not sure will ever end, even 50 years after the wedding, the way that Dan loves me and shows me Jesus helps me to know that it is worth it and that change is possible. I never thought that he could be real, yet God has brought him to me, so in the same way, God can make a suitable wife for him. And I'm excited about it